I Fear, I Wish, I Love

WARNING: May get really personal and emotional. I apologize in advance if you were looking for some humor. (But then again.)

I wish that people knew the real me. Yeah, I write about what I think about certain things and fangirl on just about every attractive human being on the planet. But no one really understands or knows my story. I probably told one person everything I ever felt about myself or others. The first time I did that I wrote it on the paper and mysteriously lost it in on the streets of New York City. So even a complete stranger probably knows my deepest secrets.

I thought I tell you what I fear, what I wish, and what I love. I may not tell you all my deepest secrets, but at least you’ll get to know me a little better. Even if you already classified me as a ranting fashion blogger that’s in love with Darren Criss.

I fear of being alone. Nothing says Happy New Year by marking five years since you had a boyfriend. I’m not making myself seem like I need to depend on someone. I spend half of my life loving the idea of being alone. But sometimes I wouldn’t mind having a guy be into me and care about every aspect of my life. Maybe all I want is a friend. A guy friend. I feel like I’m around too many girls all the time. Sometimes I just want a guy’s perspective on something and do a “guy” things.

I wish that I can stop comparing myself to so many people. I wish I can just stop overeating and overanalyzing every part of myself. It drives me crazy when insecure Chelsea kicks in. I think blogging, listening to music, and just being apart of a fandom (Remember what I taught you about fandoms!) helps me look pass that. I wish that if I can’t change my ways that people that have the same problems as me find the strength that I can’t. I wish I can help every single person on earth. I wish that there was a universal cure for both physical and mental abuse.

I love happiness. I know it seems obvious and cliche of me to say it, but I do. I love the times when I’m with friends. It was a long time when I felt that I didn’t have that many friends that understood me or even care. Then recently I felt that I belong, that people actually wanted to hang out with me and that we shared similar interests. I love the times I get to be with my family again. Being away from college and coming back into a loving family fills me with so much happiness. When I come back to New York, I feel like it’s the first time all over again. It feels like a foreign place and I love that feeling. I love music, my shows, my hobbies. Happiness is the core of everything to me.

* This Tuesday/Thursday thing is not working. I could have posted what I wrote Monday on Tuesday. Just ignore my “promises”.


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