Why I Have Failed Friendships

For the longest time, I wanted to hold on to every friendship I’ve ever had. I had have the habit of blaming myself for failed friendships. Was I too clingy? Did my jokes go too far? Did I ask for too much in a friendship?

When I was younger, I found it easier to make friends. When we’re kids, there’s no responsibilities or consequences. Now, it’s become harder to make new friends and to keep old ones.

How Did This Happen?

  1. Communication

I’ll admit that many of my friendships ended simply because I didn’t express myself. I waited for the other person to address the issue instead of addressing it myself. I was waiting for an apology or talk or something to make the friendship better. I didn’t take action in keeping the friendship strong.

Instead I lost more friendships than I can count on one hand. I spent most of my time being upset and angry at a person that probably didn’t even know I was upset and angry at them.

2. Getting Older

In junior high, you and your friends get together and talk about the future. Who’s going to have kids first? Who’s going to get married first? Who’s going to be the godmother of my future kids? You sit around the lunch table creating a life that includes your best friends.

However, you get older and your ideals change. You’re no longer sitting at that table looking at the same set of friends because you moved onto high school or college.

I had the mentality that my friends in junior high was going to follow me when I went to high school. I continued with that same idea when I went off to college. But in reality, you change and those friends change too. Your promises to make one person a godmother is now making someone else an actual godmother of their children.

Unfortunately, we grow up and grow apart from people we call friends.

3. Change of Interests

The reason some friendships work is because of similar interests. Television shows, music and even food bring friends closer. I have so many memories going to concerts, movies or events simply because we had things in common.

However, as we grow up those interests change. The shows you grew up watching is different than the shows you watch today. The celebrities you spent countless hours talking about don’t have that same effect on you anymore. As a result, you and your friends are left wondering what held the friendship together.

I have mixed feelings on this reason because another reason friendships work so well is because of the originality of each individual. Everyone is different and sharing different interests and ideas actually make friendships stronger.

But in my case, I’ve grown out of many of my interests and as a result lost friends simply because there was actually nothing else to talk about.

4. Ghosting

My absolute favorite.

According to UrbanDictionary.com, ghosting means: “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested…” 

This term is used mostly for online dating, but it works for friends as well.

You don’t understand how many times I’ve spoken to friends one minute and never heard from them again. No text, no phone call, nothing. They decided to ignore me rather than just straight up tell me they aren’t interested in anything I have to say anymore. (I guess that’s worst, but I would enjoy the honesty better.)

The worst part of it all is that they have no problem being on social media. I find it interesting to still have fallen friends on social media. Despite the resentment I hold with most of my failed friendships, I’m still curious to know what they’re doing. But why?

Accept the fact that you will grow apart from people you’ve had a significant relationships with. Understand when someone no longer positively affects your life. Let them go. Don’t hinder your growth. – Unknown

I believe that friendships help you grow as a person. Every friendship made an impact in my life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t hold memories with every single person I’ve encountered.

I’ve learned that I can’t hold on to every friendship I have. Everyone is entitled to keep me in their life or not. I can’t continue to put the effort if the other person isn’t. Sometimes best friends turn into acquaintances. That’s the hardest thing I needed to learn.

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Author: chelseacandelario

Chelsea Candelario is a recent graduate from SUNY New Paltz with a bachelor's degree in journalism. In the fall, she will be attending City College for a master's in public relations. Currently, she's a freelance writer looking for an opportunity to write and incorporate social media along with her writing. She strives to make a difference in her community through her passion for providing news and culture.

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